Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
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