our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
Randomize
