I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
Randomize
