I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
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