So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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