It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
Randomize
