We named our party play list daddy issues
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
Randomize
