Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
