the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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