The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
Randomize
