I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
Such a big mess for such a small penis
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
