Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
