We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
Randomize
