How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
My vagina just recognized that song.
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
Randomize
