Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
Randomize
