When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
Randomize
