mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
Randomize
