His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
Randomize
