I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
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