Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Randomize
