My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
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