you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
sex in a hospital.. check
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
Randomize
