I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
Randomize
