Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
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