I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
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