dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
He felt like a one man threesome
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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