all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
