I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
