If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
