I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
Randomize
