It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
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