i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
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