The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
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