If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
Randomize
