you traded sex for a burrito?
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
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