So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
Randomize
