glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Randomize
