I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
Randomize
