Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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