so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
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