Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
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