He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
