wrigley field is MILF paradise
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
