And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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