Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
drinking out of a sandbucket again
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Randomize
