he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
Randomize
