I cannot find my penis.
Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
of course. lets lasso hookers.
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
She's the barista slut.
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
Randomize
