Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
