yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
Randomize
