At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Randomize
