Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
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