So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
you inspire me to be a worse person
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
My apartment stinks of burning failure
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
