Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Randomize
