your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
im having a threesome with these popsicles
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
Randomize
