I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
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