Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
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