Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
Why did my mother make you get naked?
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
Randomize
